i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I love having hate sex.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sorry my hands just texted you
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
