I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
