when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
