his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
