my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
