i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
