well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
