For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
