Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
