I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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