i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
