my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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