Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
