You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
