I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
