i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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