I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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