1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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