There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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