And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
