dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
