WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
