i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
