i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
