mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
