I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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