My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
What a dumb baby whore.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
