I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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