You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
