Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
