I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
