Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
