the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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