I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So vagazzling was a success
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
