So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
