found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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