I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
