garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
