I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
