Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
