My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
