I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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