he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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