i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
