I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
