I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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