The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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