Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
