do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
