How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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